fauxstor.net

The Daggers are a bunch of Pirates

We still have 25 days to go, so I thought I would give folks a film-related entry to hold them over. Although, I won't actually be discussing any of this year's Oscar-nominated films.

Something I have noticed lately is the change in sequel naming convention. It used to be predictable, as it would always fall under one of two categories. The first is simply the movie name repeated, with an auto-incrementing integer in either arabic or roman form. The second is the totally unrestrained sequel, such as "The Empire Strikes Back" to "Star Wars" (no, the super-titling does not count). Sometimes it can mix these 2 methods (Swordsman I, Swordsman II, and The East is Red, or The Evil Dead, The Evil Dead 2, and Army of Darkness).
However, Hollywood has felt the need to employ stupid marketing people -- who otherwise wouldn't be able to do anything with their Communication degrees -- by making them think up "clever" movie sequel names.

Recent example: "Analyze That" (sequel to "Analyze This"). Ha-ha. It's like listening to an argument where one line of dialogue gets uttered every three years. Now, was that Deniro's, or Crystal's retort? I lost track.
I recall how disappointing it was, after seeing the trailer for the sequel to "I know What You Did Last Summer" a few years back, to find out the title was "I Still know What You Did Last Summer" rather than the correct "I know What You Did the Summer Before Last." At least the makers of "Friday," "Next Friday," and "Friday After Next" got the titles right, even if they should have stopped making movies two weeks sooner. Based on these innovations in sequel naming, you can make a pretty good guess of what a movie should have been titled, had a sequel ever been made. For instance, the follow up to "As Good as It Gets" would have been "It gets Better." Yeah, it would have to be called "It Gets a Hell of a Lot Better and No Helen Hunt" for me to watch it.

I have also been taking note of the fact that you can sometimes determine 1) how many acts a movie has, and 2) the titles of those acts, by simply looking at the movie poster. Usually, movie acts follow a formula such as "boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy gets girl back." Formulaic, yes, but tried and true. Moreover, it's a three-act play. Having a third act can make all the difference. To illustrate: Kangaroo Jack's movie poster has it's summary at the top. It reads: "He stole the money...and he's not giving it back." Okay, so in Act I, this kangaroo named Jack steals some money. Then you know what happens? In Act II, he's not giving it back. Now that's what I call brilliant cinema. I recommend watching it along with "Dunston Checks In" (sequel "Dunston Checks Out") and "Monkey Trouble."

No, I haven't seen Kangaroo Jack. Or the latter 2 simian-based films. But I can tell you this with confidence: I wouldn't watch any of them if they cost a dime and came in a paper bag.

A movie I would watch, on the other hand, is "Thrashin'". Repeatedly. Why? This review, discovered by Mike, sums it all up.

Posted by justin at 3:42 PM | Comments (5)

We know where the $90 billion wasn't spent...

...not on Security, as AOL has been hacked.
"Hackers have gained access to Merlin (AOL's customer database application) despite the fact that the system requires a user ID, two passwords, and a specialized ID code to gain access.

"If AOL can't patch the holes and verify the data of its users, the company could find itself in real trouble. A database of 35 million credit cards is a gold mine too good to pass up, but those same customers will vanish if they feel AOL can't protect their data."

Too true. Only, data protection or not, the customers are vanishing anyway.

Posted by justin at 11:23 AM | Comments (2)

Archival Footage Uncovered!

The current climate of open information exchange between Tibetan Monks and media-hungry gargoyles has yielded access to this previously lost footage. From the Super-8 library, this c.1961 footage shows what is believed to be the first sighting of Kagemusha. Entitled "Kagamusha (sic) Sighting," it provides a brief glimpse of the form and demeanor of the "Shadow Warrior/Doppelgänger" canine legend. It has now been made public in mpeg4 format for your viewing pleasure.

Posted by justin at 9:19 PM

"Final Fantasy" to be renamed "Penultimate Fantasy" in light of new film

This April, from the country that brought us the world's most heavily militarized border, comes Wonderful Days, an anime feature that looks like it will beat the pants off Final Fantasy visually -- and hopefully plotwise, too.

It uses a cel/cg mix that often works well (Blue Submarine No. 6, Blood, e.g.), in addition to live-action minatures. Overall look and feel appears very cohesive between the three. The high-rez trailer is here (26 megs).

You can get to lower rez versions here, or if you prefer the Korean language version, here.

Posted by justin at 8:22 PM | Comments (3)

Unnamed Child's Day Off

Remember how we were so delighted with Ferris Bueller's hijinks, including his "hacking" of the school computer to reduce his days absent? Well, if they were to make a sequel, most of it would take place inside a state prison. 2600 writes:

"An 11-year old student at St. Lucie West Middle School in Florida, has been charged with a felony for attempting to change his grades.

In a clear misapplication of the law, the child, who has not been named, was charged with an offense against intellectual property. It's hard to imagine how changing a grade is any kind of affront to any human being's 'intellectual property,' but this is what has been claimed, according to the Associated Press ."

I am hoping that the password wasn't "pencil," but I would hardly be surprised if it were. To learn more about security lessons as taught by movies see this article.

Posted by justin at 11:58 AM | Comments (2)

Nothing like the soothing sounds of a P90

I have known this for years. Or, I at least hope it is true, because I have spent years of my life playing these games.

"Computer games are good for you, say researchers who studied the complex social interactions in the popular shoot-em-up Counter-Strike.

...studies of players and teams are showing that these games are much more complex than many people suspect.

They are revealing the deep community and complex culture surrounding the games, as well as some of the reasons why people find them appealing."

Full Story: BBC News

Posted by justin at 7:48 PM | Comments (2)

Suck the chrome off a bumper

This was out and about already, but the site was pretty bogged down. So, once I got it, I ditched the audio, shortened it by a few seconds, and here it is. The gist is this: imagine getting sucked through a 3mm cut in a pipe, or, more accurately, crammed through one by virtue of 1.3 tons per square inch of pressure. Movie (mpeg 1).

Original Link.

Posted by justin at 1:31 PM | Comments (1)

what a cute widdle bunny wabbit

Easter is a ways off, but if fuzzy chickys, duckies and bunnies make you wretch, no fear! You can now own a tangible specimen of twisted rabbit. Based on the drawings of Michel Gagné in his book Insanely Twisted Rabbits, these little rascals are the perfect gift for adults and children alike.

Posted by justin at 11:20 AM

It's in the game

So, the story goes that co-worker A got sick of co-worker B's constant profanity whilst playing Counter Strike. Co-worker A then hid a microphone next to co-worker B's desk, and captured this stream of rantings. Then, as co-worker A was a member of an electronic music-making concern, he endeavored to edit it all together. The end result was this: The Terrible Mr. G.

Posted by justin at 2:19 PM | Comments (37)

Forget the WTO riots, we need PTO riots

The Patent Trademark Office has been long overdue for a kick in the head, but the recent spate of bullshit patents has reached a crescendo. This is not so much in terms of volume, but rather by virtue of the PTO's continued unsophistication as applied to technologies I use and embrace.

A patent granted to Test Central which gives them a lock down on online testing is the most recent of these, which follows shortly on the tail of the SBC patent that has recently been used to carom-shod such despicable internet entities as museums into halting their wanton theft of big-business-brain-trust work product.

Shortly before that, AOL managed to procure a patent on IM technology by virtue of an application filed by Mirabilis, makers of ICQ, whom AOL acquired for about $287 million. The community of Jabber open source software users and the JSF beg to differ on the patent's validity. Rightfully so, I must say.

Now, I think I vaguely remember a couple things from law school regarding patents. Oh yes, it was in one of those four or five Intellectual Property classes I took. They called them the "novel" and "non-obvious" requirements.
It may seem, in hindsight, that certain technologies to which we are accustomed appear "obvious" when we get slapped with a patent filed 5 years earlier that finally gets granted and addresses the same. However, last time I checked, 99% of everything being done with the internet was pretty freakin obvious. Online Testing? Gee, you mean forms? Isn't there an html tag called <form>?

Let's say that the axe is invented. It is patented as a "device for the rapid separation of wood into smaller pieces". I go out and use it to split people's heads open. I am going to get a patent on that. What, you say? but it's not wood, it's someone's head. It could not possibly be obvious that a mechanism could EVER be applied to a different purpose, right?
Only here the internet is not patented. It is, as an aggregate model, a simple machine, like the lever, the pulley, the inclined plane, the axe. The SBC and Online Testing patents fall into this category.

Past examples include the Priceline patent on a method of doing business, which resulted in a suit with Expedia, a suit which eventually settled. Sorry, but I think "name your price" was coined by the first used-car salesman.

Simply because a patent exists which concerns a core piece of internet technology does not mean it is invalid, such as gifs, which use (patented) LZW compression. For clarification on that issue, read this.

Posted by justin at 11:03 AM

Now, if only S.F. Landlords would do the same

The invisible hand appears to be doing more than just correcting markets in Japan. According to a Reuters story carried by a Kiwi fishwrap, the Yakuza are no strangers to John Maynard Keynes:

Plunging prices are also driving up revenue in the sex industry, where businesses offer cheaper services to lure white-collar workers hit by falling wages....

"They have managed to lower prices, but offer attractive services as well."

Posted by justin at 1:24 PM

For movie sets on the cheap(er)

If you are looking to be inspired to paint or, more likely, inspired to give up painting altogether, you should have a look-see at the digital mattes done by a guy named Craig Mullins. He works in a lot of media, including watercolors, oil sketches, pastels, and digital. The stuff that blew me away was his work for Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within, which you can view here. Be sure to click for the "detail" part of the images. There's a good chance you won't be able to place where the detail is taken from at first, because it is such a miniscule portion of the larger picture. Then, for contrast, peep the more expressive world of his watercolors.

Posted by justin at 2:28 PM