fauxstor.net

Extreme walking

This is the kind of extreme sports I used to do in college, when I was wasted off my ass walking back to the dorms from Isla Vista. The only thing was, I was just trying to walk. The tricks were, shall we say, "Natural Light inspired."





What? You no quicktime? Go here.

Posted by justin at 7:36 PM | Comments (7)

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Posted by justin at 2:33 AM

Vatican to Brown-skinned peoples: "You aren't dying fast enough!"

Long the hapless victims of missionaries and Real Estate Investment Trusts, the non-Anglo peoples of the world were dealt another blow from the City of Crimson Socks.

According to a Guardian article published last Thursday, the Vatican is "telling people in countries stricken by Aids not to use condoms because they have tiny holes in them through which the HIV virus can pass."

In an interview for an upcoming BBC1 Panorama program, the president of the Vatican's Pontifical Council for the Family, Cardinal Alfonso Lopez Trujillo, stated that "[t]he Aids virus is roughly 450 times smaller than the spermatozoon. The spermatozoon can easily pass through the 'net' that is formed by the condom."

He then went on to reveal that condoms were invented by Xenu and that AIDS will help all brown-skinned people become Super-Thetans.

Posted by justin at 9:32 PM

The West is Wild Again

Back in college, I would put a few bucks into the pool for the NCAA men's basketball tournament -- March Madness -- whenever I could. I never won, but one year I gained the dubious distinction of coming in last place in the pool (damn you Cal!). Fortunately, the pool had a consolation prize just for such a finish: a 12-pack of Lone Star Beer.

I resigned myself to being governed by Schwarzenegger the day he announced his candidacy. I did not vote for him, but I am not renting a one-way, out-of-state U-Haul, either. So it was really no surprise when MSNBC projected Arnie as "die mensch" at 8:00 p.m. PST.

Ditto the recall initiatives on the ballot. However, what I find intriguing, and will continue to track until all the votes are counted and the election is certified, is just who on the ballot gets the 12-pack of Lone Star?

Thus far, it is a close one between Forte and Lewis:

Gene E. Forte (REP) 190 
Todd Richard Lewis (IND) 171

Whoever comes in last, gets a 12-pack of Lone Star, on me (balloted candidates only, no write-ins).

Posted by justin at 12:46 PM | Comments (1)