fauxstor.net

Shot Down by the Hot Abercrombie Chick

It seems that the Hot AC changes her name as often as her crappy site design. The curious being known as Ashley/Amanda/Kalleigh has been feeling a bit lonely lately, and not just for web traffic.

Through a fortuitous set of circumstances, I was tipped off to a Match.com profile that sure looked a lot like the girl who just can't stop talking about decapitation: KALLEIGH680. (In case her profile goes down, here is an html archive and a screencap).

If you think that just looks like her, think again. The bookcase has the same unread books on the shelves. A portion of the same photo was used for AIM Rate-a-buddy.

Nonetheless, I decided to give the girl a chance, by creating a profile designed to mesh perfectly with hers. Then I asked her out.

Rather than go through match.com, I emailed her at her oh-so-cleverly-encoded-in-her-profile Hotmail.com address ("[i]f you want to chat, drop the 6 add where the mail is hot"). I am pretty sure she got the email, as she went from "active within 1 month" to "active within 24 hours" a couple days later.

Alas, grave disappointment was to be my only reward.

Perhaps she is too busy making $75,001 to $100,000 a year as a student.

There are all sorts of anomalies in the match.com profile. One fun game is to look at her MSN profile and compare it to the match.com info. Consider those along with her AIM Rate-a-buddy profile and her stint on HOTorNOT and it all adds up to one thing: The H in HAC stands for "Horny".

I do not know if the Police will ever find the body of the poor girl in these photos who's visual identity is being exploited for cheap internet traffic. But I did come up with an idea for a screenplay: Guy is trying to find the actual girl in the scam photos used for H Abercrombie C, and learns of the match.com profile. Guy asks out HA Chick via match.com, and she accepts. They meet, and he has a photographer shoot some photos from a distance and a PI tail her home. Now he knows who she really is! But then, he falls in love with her. He doesn't know what to do. He met her to reveal her true identity, but now does not want to betray her. He decides not to go public, but she finds out about his abandoned plan anyway. Then some goofy stuff happens that makes him win her back. Also, Dan Zeigenbein gets his ass kicked.

James Cameron will direct it on a $95 million budget, and it will be entitled "BLOG". It will win an Oscar.

And nobody will ever blog or go to the movies again.

Posted by justin at 9:42 AM